I think after handing my essay in I knew it was rushed and I had not finished it how I had hoped. Richard explained that I seem to have included too many subjects simply within the title and so overcomplicated it for myself to answer such a confusing question. I think my problem also was that I didn't know which part of it to answer and so rushed and only scratched the surface of some. Therefore I am going to re-write my essay considering just one topic but going into much more detail and coming to a more useful conclusion.
Another point made was that I use first person tense which ofcourse is too informal and not as an essay should be so this will need to be changed.
Also I need to add a Bibliography and also improve on my harvard referencing.
Generally my essay was more like a draft than anything. But fingers crossed for the re-write.
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